Talking in the snow
by Merqurius
Summary: It is Christmas and Sirius has a conversation with Dumbledore in the snow.


Sirius Black was walking alone in the snow. He was cold, but didn't care. He walked past the lake and looked back at Hogwarts. He saw Hagrid bringing the huge Christmas trees inside. He saw other students having fun in the snow. He walked on, angry and sad. He didn't know where he was going, but it was certainly not back there. Not for at least a few days. Everyone celebrating Christmas. He was just not in de mood. Maybe he would go to Hogsmead. No one would really miss him. But he was wrong about that, because on the same moment, he heard a voice behind him:

"Mr. Black, not leaving I hope?" Sirius quickly turned around, seeing professor Dumbledore appearing from behind a tree. O great, just when you thought you had gotten away!

"No professor, just walking a little." He replied, bit of a lame excuse, but it was the first thing that sprang to his mind.

"All alone? Shouldn't you be having fun with your friends in the snow?" asked professor Dumbledore.

Right, problem. What now? Saying that he didn't like the snow would be really weird. He decided to just tell the truth. "My friends are at their homes with their families." He realised it sounded very bitter and almost jealous.

"So why aren't you, mr. Black?"

Yeah right! Like Dumbledore wouldn't know anything about his family. That was a good one. It didn't matter anymore now. He could just as well tell the truth.

"They don't want me there, professor. They told me so in a letter I received a few weeks ago."

"And why is this, mr. Black?"

"They told me that I am no longer part of the family. I am simply not worth it. From the moment I got sorted into Gryffindor, I ruined it."

Professor Dumbledore walked up to Sirius and together they went on.

"And you wish you were sorted into Slytherin, like your family?" Dumbledore asked.

See, he knew! "I don't know, sir. I guess. My parents would have been very proud at me."

"Why aren't they proud now?"

And this was supposed to be this most brillant wizard who every lived? Stuped question!

"That's easy. I am a traitor. I am not loyal to our family."

"That wasn't my question, mr. Black. My question is: why are you a traitor? What have you done different and wrong?"

Okay, this was harder. "I don't know, really. I just think different. Why should your blood matter anything? I don't want to think like that, but it should be true somehow. My family isn't wrong or anything. They aren't stupid!"

"Have you ever told them what you thought about this?"

This conversation was going the wrong way. He really didn't want to answer this question.

Sirius shrugged.

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then. And what did they say or do when you told them that?"

Sirius looked away from Dumbledore, back at Hagrid and the Christmas trees.

"They just yelled at me. That I wasn't worth it. I believed them, I still do." He said quietly after some time.

"Do you seriously want to go back there? And do you believe that they are right?"

Sirius looked back at the headmaster. Tears shining in his eyes. "I never want to go back! I hate it there, I hate all of them!" He voice became hard and very angry.

Dumbledore nodded. "I can understand that. Even though it is wrong to hate. Did they every do something else? Did they hit you?"

Sirius shook his head. "They never did that. At least not more then other parents do. But they would lock me up in my room sometimes. Only allowing me to come out when I agreed with them, when I promised not to say anything like that again."

He looked at his feet, going through the snow. When he spoke again, his voice was almost a whisper: "I don't dare to go back, professor. My parents never harmed me, because of my grandfather. He lives near us, and I would always go to him. We talked. He was also different. Not a Slytherin. My parents didn't see him as a parts of our family anymore, but they were still afraid of him. He is a powerfull wizard."

"Can't you stay with him when you return home?"

"No, sir." Sirius clenched his fists. "He became ill when I started Hogwarts. This morning I got another letter from my parents. Telling me he died a couple of days ago. They had already buried him and I didn't have to come home."

The tears were now streaming down his face. Dumbledore stopped. He looked at the small boy standing before him and put an arm around his shoulders, pressing his head against his chest.

"He was alone, when he died. I should have been there." Sirius went on, through his tears. "I never even had the change to make him proud. I never accomplished anything. He didn't even really know me."

"That is not true, Sirius." Dumbledore said, speaking in a warm, calming voice. "He was proud of you, because you were his grandson, because you are different. He knew the real you, without even meeting him."

Sirius stopped crying, ashamed of himself and they started walking again, but now, heading to the castle. When they went inside, Sirius wanted to go upstairs to the common room, but Dumbledore held him back.

"Sirius, if you want to talk, I am there for you. Always. And I expect to see you tonight, during the Christmas Dinner. I'll save a seat for you."

"Thank you, professor."

Dumbledore nodded and headed for his office. Sirius slowly went upstairs. Dumbledore had been right. It felt good to finally have talked about it with someone. It would be okay.

Dumbledore sat in his office. He was shocked about everything Sirius had told him. Sirius was having a really hard time, but he hadn't told anyone. Dumbledore decided he couldn't let his family harm him even more, but it wasn't his authority to place Sirius out house. Then an idea came to his mind. He talked with Sirius about staying with his grandfather, but that wasn't possible anymore. But Dumbledore knew about some old friends, who would certainly love to take the boy with them for the holidays. Dumbledore took out a piece of parchment and a quill. Then he began to write:

_Dear Mr. and Mrs. Potter, _

THE END


End file.
